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My Friend

What is that reaching out, so often sought to bring one close to share, to dwell, within my sphere? Friends are close, then far away, for all come by agreement. Can two walk together lest they agree? Is it not a wonder two can ever find that place where mind meets mind, then share the joy of it in everlasting fullness? Yet, it is so, that friends are only those who both do dwell in that everlasting mind. All else is only perfect loneliness who, in his creative mind, conjures up another as himself such fitful bliss. For, in the mind of disagreement, such a friend does blow away never to be seen again. But those whose beings dwell within that divine One, whose thoughts are theirs and theirs are His, find oneness never known within the heart of man without Him. Let it be, for friendship truly is that place of rest where man meets God.

COMMUNICATION

CHAPTER 10

Communication is something you always do; sometimes it doesn't seem like it.

Thought: To communicate is to heal. Failure to communicate makes ill.

Word: Matt. 5:37: "But let your words be yes, yes, and no, no; for anything which adds to these is a deception."

Conclusion: If you have something to communicate, communicate that.

Communication is one of the most important sciences that can be learned. Not only through communication can we be made honest, we can also make others honest. By adding to the truth of it, all manner of innuendo and contrary body language, we cause not only our own integrity to be bound, we make a place for others to do the same.

There are times when we might see another individual do something that seems "crazy" to us. We experience a certain contempt for that individual and inwardly mock that soul. Instead of communicating that truth to them, we use a cowardly indirect aggression. We might say, "WHAT are YOU doing?" The truth of the words suggest we simply would like to know what that individual is doing, however, it probably is quite obvious what they are doing, so the question is out of order. Even so, added to that question is a tone of voice that might freeze the Nile. The games we play to support our superiority are numerous. We may communicate supreme regard for an individual, but with our body language inject enough doubt so that the other person almost unawares loses confidence in him. We need to notice the strength of our ego; the great self we calculate to look good.

From time to time we may notice someone enter into our sacred area of operation. Someone may be doing our job. Our ego is hurt, so we find fault with the work of the other. The truth of our communication should be, "I'm jealous and I hate that individual because he is doing something I get pride out of and I don't want him to have it." We make it look like the man's work is at fault rather than our own soul. It is quite obvious we would not communicate the truth since that would make us look bad. May I suggest that if you look at the truth of it, you may be ashamed enough to move off it and love the individual you see in competition with you.

Using innuendo and subtle remarks about others, especially when they are not present, is evil. We build up our kingdoms of the ego on the graves of other souls we have just buried. Others who listen to your speech hardly know what is happening because they are drawn into your trap. They feel important and superior that you would trust them with such important information about that other soul. They scarcely realize that they have just committed murder with you.

Contempt for humanity under any circumstance is evil. Hatred for humanity under any circumstance is evil. The truth is you know that and that is why you use the subtle body language and hint rather than outright communicating the truth of it. Our words and our body language must come together for integrity to be experienced. If we say one thing with our mouth and say another with our body language or actions, a lie is always involved. We may mouth great and noble support for some object, but when we notice it may cost us something, we do not go to the expense of it. When we do this, a lie is involved and our ego is the only true benefactor. We truly have an investment in gaining the knowledge of this for if we remain in the lie of it, we remain in a lost state. The experience of this is the lost state. Jesus speaks of the New Jerusalem in Rev. 21:27: "And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that...maketh a lie." Anything that is not the truth of it is the lie of it. To live for our ego is to live in a lost state. The ego has only its own world and it perishes with it.

There are other communications that honest men just do badly. Sometimes we experience hurt over what someone else has done to us. We may view that they have been unfair and it may be that they have. Our miscommunication may involve anger or even withdrawal rather than the information of it. Anger and withdrawal communicate something we do not want to communicate if we love, for they communicate "I hate you." Indeed we may not hate that individual, but love them deeply while experiencing this profound sadness. While in this sadness we withdraw, therefore, communicating hate. We end up in a grand mess of things not sure how it all came about and certain we didn't do it.

If we have indeed been hurt and experience unfair treatment, we do need to communicate that for our hurt is the need. When that is communicated, however, it should be communicated honestly. That is, we need to say the truth of it. Since we cannot possibly know the motives of the individual, we can only describe to them our experience of their actions. Because of this, our defensive emotions must not be used, for they infer we are being attacked and that is a judgment of motive. Without our emotions wrought up, we need to communicate our experience and what our needs are clearly to the one involved. If the other individual will not meet you on that level and, indeed, shows clearly he is "out to get you," there is no need to be worked up. Simply make relationships that cause health and success to come to your experience. In this, you can love the other individual and, at the same time, cease to be within the experience with him. When you fret and fight and are angry, you merely show that you believe the other man has control over you. You are assenting that he is your master. You will blame him for your feelings, as well as all the other curses that come to you. The truth of it remains you are in full control of your life and it is true you can give that control to another.

The problem is with your belief. If you insist on believing that another can have power over you, it is certain you will bring your emotions into the defense of it. You will experience all manner of emotional sickness of the confrontation of one who is mistakenly in control of you. The problem is your belief and that's it. When you believe that no one can control you, there is no problem with just saying the truth of it without all of the games of defense the ego uses. When you use communication as Jesus did, you will have the success of communication that Jesus had.

There is another error in communication we often fall into. We do not recognize our need to dominate another individual. We need them dominated for our ego. When we communicate with them we may use emotional or calculated word techniques to control the actions of another. We may believe it is for their good, while all the time it is to bolster our ego. We may give someone "good advice." We may force upon him our religious ideas because we feel "it is right". We do not recognize our ego is the one who feeds that need. One thing is certain. You cannot communicate truth unless you know what it is. Knowing the truth is the experience of it and not the idea about it. There are those who need to communicate an idea of the truth and they communicate it in a way that infers guilt if others don't follow that truth; yet, at the same time, the individual does not lift a finger to do that truth himself. This man, Jesus would call a hypocrite. A hypocrite is a liar and communicates lies. This may be illustrated by the man who insists it's a sin to eat tomatoes. He can expound on all the reasons why tomatoes should not be eaten. He teaches others not to eat tomatoes. In the evening he goes to his warm abode and sits down to his meal of tomatoes. This man is a liar. Men do what they believe, not what they say. If a man's actions do not match his words, he lies. Liars cannot experience the divine mind. Liars are not able to know the truth of it, for they distort all that is true into their narrow ego world.

How should we communicate? First of all, look in and gain a knowledge of yourself. If your desires are pure, then see how you might communicate the love you have for the individual within your communication sphere. Never suppose the other has control over you, for you are believing a lie if you suppose that. Simply observe the truth with them, willing to be responsible for any possible expression the other person may direct at you. Notice that your defense of yourself will just get in the way of communication. Remain vulnerable, clear and free. Know that whatever the outcome, it will not hurt you.

Self-Knowledge Resumé

  1. When I speak with someone, do I always tell the truth, or do I color it to a degree so that I might get a desired response on occasion?
  2. Do I always speak to someone as I would speak about them while not in their presence?
  3. Do I ever distrust someone, but to his face I act like I trust him?
  4. When I relate to an individual, does he ever get the impression from me that all is well when, in reality, in my heart I do not really believe it is?
  5. Do I ever seek to please people instead of telling them the truth?
  6. Do I ever speak with my words one way, but with my tone of voice or voice inflection I project another meaning?
  7. When I speak with anyone, do I ever look off in another direction because I am embarrassed or self conscious to have someone look in my eyes?
  8. When I have something important to say to someone, do I speak around the subject hoping they will get what I am talking about, or do I speak directly to the subject?
  9. When I have something to communicate to someone of a personally distressing nature, do I speak to them about it or simply gossip with others about it?
  10. Do I talk about someone with various individuals suggesting there may be a problem with the person I am speaking about, but I do not discuss the problem with the person himself?
  11. Am I honest or am I a liar?
  12. If I am a liar, WHY?

Note: A liar is someone who does not tell the truth, the whole truth, all of the time.


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